misosouper, a shopping blog

One of my holiday traditions, certainly rationalized by the fact that my birthday is two days before Christmas, is to purchase a little something for myself.  Plus, I’m turning 30 next month, so I’d like something a little more soothing than a tattoo to mark the occasion.  Self-pity?  Perhaps.  But oh, does it feel good.  Here are this year’s picks.

I’d take any of the beauty products from my namesake line.

Which raises the question:  why am I always so fucking negative?

Packing heat.  In my seat.

My daughter’s initial would look perfect engraved on this bracelet.

Once upon a time, when I subscribed to NY Magazine, I would skip all the juicy bits and flip straight to the “How did you spend your money today?” feature.  I’m dumping NY Mag and subscribing to Kate Consumption’s illustrated zine, which delivers a different luscious fantasy 365 days a year.

My schoolmarm streak runs deep.

Raven on wheels!

Probably not so practical for the frozen tundra of equatorial Florida, but I plan on wearing it anyway.

Sexy sterling patent leather from Le SportSac.

A six-pack of block-printed birdies to clean up my dirty.

In addition to birds, I also collect heads.

MeRor, MeRor in my hand, who’s the fairest in the land?

So in addition to birds and heads, I also collect nudes.  (So much self-revelation today!  I’m feeling a bit, um, exposed.)

For nights when I’m channeling an Art Deco goddess.

My mismatched glasses won’t feel so lonely anymore.

My old man/cool girl cardigans need some slippers to match.

Yet another elegant bird.  (I never wear them all at once, so don’t even think about calling me the crazy bird lady.)

Perpetual means forever.  As in, this calendar is so cute that I’ll love it forever.

I fully plan on being carded after the age of 30, so this little wallet will keep my license at the ready.

Every day, I wish that I could find my keys.

Like my brain, but super-juiced.

When you come over for tea, we’ll drink from these.

I could give this poor kid a face.  Or I could just let his blank stare mirror my own.

Not in the mood for love?  These gifts will bring out your cheeky side.

These animals will keep that library in line.

Mix your Mexican beverage metaphors and serve her up with a tray full of Negra Modelos.

My favorite martian.

Way creepier than playing poker with mirrored glasses.  A true objet d’art.

Why should Radiohead get all the rainbows?

A satisfyingly dramatic way to pass the days.

Now that the election is over, you need someone else to root for.

Lover, you should have come over.

My teenage cousin is obsessed with phone charms.  Here’s one (a miniature terrarium!) that doesn’t involve pink beads.

Perhaps my favorite item in the whole gift guide.  Perhaps the cheapest, too.

Do these derby critters remind anyone else of the Hummer soapbox derby kids?

Portable iPod karaoke sets bring joy to the world.

A daschund bag needs no commentary.

I warned you that I like small things writ large.

Yo to the yo.

This koi pitcher makes a lovely gurgling sound when it pours.

I’m thinking this tape isn’t fireproof.

Parrots are the new Rabbits.

Cleaning toilets probably isn’t what Pinocchio signed up for.

Unwrap it.  You know you want to.

What this sleek white instant camera lacks in vintage charm, it makes up for in features, like autofocus.  Plus, it hasn’t been discontinued, which is always a plus.  RIP, Polaroid.

And to think you were going to get them a Jawbone.

Am I insinuating that the gifts you usually give aren’t meaningful?  (Maybe I am.  I can be like that sometimes.)   Regardless of how much of a jerk I am, these should go out to the ones you love.

Tiny and delicate can also be a grand gesture.

A container for just one thing.  Your love? Your dignity? I’ll let you decide.

You heard the man. Be somebody, all day long.

While Virginia Woolf insists on a room of one’s own, I’d just settle for my very own comfy chair.

Putting your jewelry in this dish will probably scare the robbers away.

I’m not sure what the metaphor is either, but I think I like it.

Perfect for your new assistant. When he finds a better job, ask for it back and give it to your next one.

Felt is so much sexier than leather. What would you rather rub up against in the subway?

Give this to your mother-in-law.  Then smile like you mean it.

For the more cynical among us. (Hey, I say meaningful, not joyful.)

These honesty stamps allow you to apologize or inflame, all without opening your mouth. Isn’t that what got you in trouble in the first place?

A much better teacher gift than caramel corn or an ornament.

A little handmade book of garden birds for your favorite green thumb.

An elegant home for the most modern of necessities.

Puts those Cartier love bracelets to shame.

There’s someone like this in your life, even if it’s your therapist. A route we do not recommend.

Ridiculously romantic: artist Jessica Marie Lertvilai collected love letters and transcribed them in Braille onto the surface of this vase, appropriately entitled “love is blind.”

Is there a more affectionate term of endearment?

These metal flowers come gift-ready in a long white box. Bonus: they’ll never, ever die.

Acrylic is the new gold. Custom made, so get your order in now.

After all these years, there are still some questions left unasked.

And after all these years, they still deserve some secrets.

Send in your doodle, and they’ll stuff it for you.

An anatomically correct silver heart locket. Go Victorian and enclose a lock of hair.

This therapeutic warming mattress cover, with its six separate temperature zones, could save your relationship.

Remember when you used to go to concerts? (Both a question and a statement.)

Limited edition, just like your kid.

Yes, you could just write out twelve ways you made a difference in a plain journal; but if it were that easy, wouldn’t you already have done it?

Make a wish.  Make it count.

The best gifts to please screeching, barking, tired households like mine, short of free babysitting and maid service.

Sweet felt frames for all the birds in your flock.

Because as long as you’re bribing the kids with hot chocolate, you might as well take that Carnation instant cocoa to the next level.

A trick from my beloved grandmother, who hails from the pre-germ era:  kids love counting and rolling coins.   These colorful metallic trays are also perfect for making change when they play store.

Put your foot down once and for all.

Be the goose that lays this golden egg in their backyard.

The only foreseeable issue with these Lego-handled utensils is that the kids will insist on eating with them stacked in an awkward fork-spoon-knife combination. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Made from densely packed magazines, this bulletin board (no push pins necessary!) is the sharpest I’ve ever seen.

The ultimate rainy day entertainment: a 500 piece “impossible” puzzle based on an abstract illustration by Alex Beard.

These cards make traveling sew much fun.

Why freeze ice when you can freeze the cup instead?

This gigantic digital photo frame (15″!) makes that newborn baby almost lifesized.

While they’re not quite Anarchy in the UK, these punky monkeys are so much cuter than letting them stick a safety pin through their ear.

Bedtime battles be gone:  turn on this constellation maker and snuggle under the Milky Way tonight.

Memorialize the whole family on a stick-figure pillow that Mom and Dad will keep on their bed forever.

Yes, these are bugs encased in Lucite.  Is that creepy?

Feed their Bob Ross addiction with a paint-by-numbers set.  Just make sure it doesn’t end up in the garage sale by “accident.”

Use these spy sunglasses to confirm your long-standing conviction that they are indeed following you.  Even if “they” just happen to be, um, your parents.

Because after all this fun, mom and dad are tired.  Guaranteed.

If a thematic mantra unites the gifts in the ‘08 Wishful List, it’s this:  smaller is indeed better.  Not necessarily in scale–as you’ll see, I have a particular affection for objects that are usually small, but have been writ large–but in scope, and certainly in price. Today we begin with gifts chosen for their utility; as all good devolutions go, we’ll end the week in a heap of frivolity.

For my family and friends: you’re probably getting something from this list.  Sorry, and you’re welcome.

Bringing beer to the party?  You could just dump out the swill and fill the cans with flowers instead.  I’m sure someone will be taken by your gesture and share theirs.

As a social smoker (only when I drank, and only one!) who was shoved onto the brutal, bitter NYC sidewalks in the great Bloombergian smokeout of ‘03, I empathize.  Use these to keep your favorite smoker’s hands warm.

Oil is on one side, vinegar is on the other.  Separate spouts guarantee that ne’er the twain will meet, except on your salad.  Bonus points for looking gorgeous on the table.

A spilt bottle of water is the cause of many purse moatings.  Friends don’t let friends be that wet, soggy girl.

This skullcap with built-in headphones is just one step away from the ultimate in wireless, which is having the speakers implanted directly in your brain.  Maybe next Christmas.

As a design object, jiggers are usually ugly; this sleek aluminum cube proves they don’t have to be.

The possibilities are endless for this little bag made out of steel (literally!  the thread is coated with it):  toys, shoes, produce, small dogs…

Ladybuds, which are perfect for keeping your earplugs in while you rock your body at concerts, are not to be confused with ladybugs or ladylumps, neither of which would make good gifts.

This luggage tag makes me laugh.  Give one to your travel partner, and make them laugh too.

Best line ever:  “Your wife is so hot–is she a stay-at-home?”  Perfect for the party planning committee.

Yes, these gloves do have a bit of street urchin about them; but for professorial friends who toil in dank library basements, they may not stave off boredom, but they will prevent frostbite.

For those of us who don’t have a bike, a shoulder-strapped version of the iconic Carrie shopping basket.

They say lazy, I say efficient; hook this spoon’s notched edge onto a pot to preserve your counters from caked-on food.

Actually a great travel gift:  use this device to turn off annoying TVs around the globe, from bars in Kenosha to the airport in Bangor.

Sculptural and affordable, unlike so many other modern clocks on the market.  For a very tall wall.

Tomorrow:  gifts suited for a houseful of your favorite people.