Ready or not, here come the holidays! Fake smiles, sibling rivalry, unsolicited advice, awkward silences, staged photos… BINGO! Arm yourself for the trip home with Dysfunctional Family Bingo. It might take the edge off just enough to avoid self-medicating, though you’ll also get a square for that.
Wednesday is my birthday, Friday is Christmas, Saturday is a wedding.
And I’m sick–as in the most fun I’m going to have this week is Snuggie-wallowing on the couch, watching “Say Yes to the Dress.”
Can you blame me for feeling misanthropic?
While I’m down for the count, I fully plan on chronicling my list of grievous injuries in my Knock Knock “In My Humble Opinion” journal. Because all of you, with your germs and squirms and general gross humanity, did this to me. And I won’t soon forget it.
Take your Knock Knock clips that say “Urgent” and “Now,” and hang these letterpressed cards where you can see them.
Yeah, you want to be one; but with papers fluttering all over your office, you don’t even have room to crack your whip. That’s sad. I’m here to help you get your shit together in the new year.
This week, misosouper and Knock Knock are gifting one lucky winner with an entire set of their task clips–48 in all. These bright, shiny Utility, Timing, Importance, and Poopy butterfly doohickeys will, in Knock Knock’s words, let you “appear more productive than you actually are” and “look good without getting much done.” (I swear, it’s as if Knock Knock’s creative department burrowed deep into my brain, sucked out the marrow, and plagiarized the mantras of my life. Oprah I’m not. {Even though I love you Oprah, and if you called me, I’d be on the next plane to your show. We could give away Knock Knock clips like you gave away cars: one for you, and for you…})
To win, leave a comment on this post, explaining which Knock Knock gift you’d most like to give, to whom you’d give it, and why. (No space/word/character limits this time. It’s a free for all!) And these better be funny, people, considering you’re writing about a company that sells products like the “Things You Do That Piss Me Off” notepad, the “Sex Report Card” magnet, the “How To Traumatize Your Children” manual, and the Choose Your Religion Wheel O’ Wisdom.
And you better not Paper Voodoo doll me to win this thing, either. Chances are I’m cursing my disheveled desk, staring longingly at my patent whip, and weeping over the fact that I’ll never be on Oprah, paper voodooing you right back.
the fine print:
Comments will be closed and entries will not be accepted after 11:59 pm EST on Saturday, January 24, 2009. The winner will be selected on Sunday, January 25, 2009, and notified by e-mail. Results of the giveaway will be announced on Monday, January 26, 2009. Multiple entries will not be accepted, and previous giveaway winners are not eligible. Misosouper, a shopping blog reserves the right to disqualify entries that are incomplete, inaccurate, or considered spam.
