These animals will keep that library in line.

Mix your Mexican beverage metaphors and serve her up with a tray full of Negra Modelos.

My favorite martian.

Way creepier than playing poker with mirrored glasses.  A true objet d’art.

Why should Radiohead get all the rainbows?

A satisfyingly dramatic way to pass the days.

Now that the election is over, you need someone else to root for.

Lover, you should have come over.

My teenage cousin is obsessed with phone charms.  Here’s one (a miniature terrarium!) that doesn’t involve pink beads.

Perhaps my favorite item in the whole gift guide.  Perhaps the cheapest, too.

Do these derby critters remind anyone else of the Hummer soapbox derby kids?

Portable iPod karaoke sets bring joy to the world.

A daschund bag needs no commentary.

I warned you that I like small things writ large.

Yo to the yo.

This koi pitcher makes a lovely gurgling sound when it pours.

I’m thinking this tape isn’t fireproof.

Parrots are the new Rabbits.

Cleaning toilets probably isn’t what Pinocchio signed up for.

Unwrap it.  You know you want to.

What this sleek white instant camera lacks in vintage charm, it makes up for in features, like autofocus.  Plus, it hasn’t been discontinued, which is always a plus.  RIP, Polaroid.

And to think you were going to get them a Jawbone.

Tiny and delicate can also be a grand gesture.

A container for just one thing.  Your love? Your dignity? I’ll let you decide.

You heard the man. Be somebody, all day long.

While Virginia Woolf insists on a room of one’s own, I’d just settle for my very own comfy chair.

Putting your jewelry in this dish will probably scare the robbers away.

I’m not sure what the metaphor is either, but I think I like it.

Perfect for your new assistant. When he finds a better job, ask for it back and give it to your next one.

Felt is so much sexier than leather. What would you rather rub up against in the subway?

Give this to your mother-in-law.  Then smile like you mean it.

For the more cynical among us. (Hey, I say meaningful, not joyful.)

These honesty stamps allow you to apologize or inflame, all without opening your mouth. Isn’t that what got you in trouble in the first place?

A much better teacher gift than caramel corn or an ornament.

A little handmade book of garden birds for your favorite green thumb.

An elegant home for the most modern of necessities.

Puts those Cartier love bracelets to shame.

There’s someone like this in your life, even if it’s your therapist. A route we do not recommend.

Ridiculously romantic: artist Jessica Marie Lertvilai collected love letters and transcribed them in Braille onto the surface of this vase, appropriately entitled “love is blind.”

Is there a more affectionate term of endearment?

These metal flowers come gift-ready in a long white box. Bonus: they’ll never, ever die.

Acrylic is the new gold. Custom made, so get your order in now.

After all these years, there are still some questions left unasked.

And after all these years, they still deserve some secrets.

Send in your doodle, and they’ll stuff it for you.

An anatomically correct silver heart locket. Go Victorian and enclose a lock of hair.

This therapeutic warming mattress cover, with its six separate temperature zones, could save your relationship.

Remember when you used to go to concerts? (Both a question and a statement.)

Limited edition, just like your kid.

Yes, you could just write out twelve ways you made a difference in a plain journal; but if it were that easy, wouldn’t you already have done it?

Make a wish.  Make it count.

Sweet felt frames for all the birds in your flock.

Because as long as you’re bribing the kids with hot chocolate, you might as well take that Carnation instant cocoa to the next level.

A trick from my beloved grandmother, who hails from the pre-germ era:  kids love counting and rolling coins.   These colorful metallic trays are also perfect for making change when they play store.

Put your foot down once and for all.

Be the goose that lays this golden egg in their backyard.

The only foreseeable issue with these Lego-handled utensils is that the kids will insist on eating with them stacked in an awkward fork-spoon-knife combination. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Made from densely packed magazines, this bulletin board (no push pins necessary!) is the sharpest I’ve ever seen.

The ultimate rainy day entertainment: a 500 piece “impossible” puzzle based on an abstract illustration by Alex Beard.

These cards make traveling sew much fun.

Why freeze ice when you can freeze the cup instead?

This gigantic digital photo frame (15″!) makes that newborn baby almost lifesized.

While they’re not quite Anarchy in the UK, these punky monkeys are so much cuter than letting them stick a safety pin through their ear.

Bedtime battles be gone:  turn on this constellation maker and snuggle under the Milky Way tonight.

Memorialize the whole family on a stick-figure pillow that Mom and Dad will keep on their bed forever.

Yes, these are bugs encased in Lucite.  Is that creepy?

Feed their Bob Ross addiction with a paint-by-numbers set.  Just make sure it doesn’t end up in the garage sale by “accident.”

Use these spy sunglasses to confirm your long-standing conviction that they are indeed following you.  Even if “they” just happen to be, um, your parents.

Because after all this fun, mom and dad are tired.  Guaranteed.

Furry headbands, I can do, but that smallish brown bag?  Not so much.  I’ve looked through every online shop, popular and obscure, only to find this perfect specimen by simply Googling “brown cross body bag.”