misosouper, a shopping blog

Dear Thrillist,

I love you, I really do; but in this week’s missive on Makr Carry Goods, one of my town’s many laboratories of great stuff, you called us “Orlando of all places.”

That hurts, Thrillist.  We’re not just some humid cowtown full of yeehaws, airboats, and moonshine.  Let me list for you our innovations:  *NSYNC.  Orange juice.  The space shuttle.  The Kerouac Project (he lived here when On the Road was published, and typed Dharma Bums in a little house downtown).   EA Tiburon, which produces, like, every great sports video game every played.  Not one, but two mayors–take that, bureaucracy!  The best weather in the continental US.  An airport so clean and entertaining that you won’t mind when the flight back to your city, of all places, is delayed.

Oh, I could go on.  (Wayne Brady, anyone?  Not to mention Tiger Woods lives right down the street from me.  What up, T!  See you at Perkins this weekend.)

But you get it, right?  We may be barraged by hurricanes, plagued by terrible accents, and littered with strip malls, but that certainly doesn’t stifle our creativity.

We are smart, resilient, sweaty, and often drunk–just think of all the alcohol you can mix with fresh squeezed OJ!  Also, we excel at driving long distances on crowded highways.

So it’s no surprise that Makr is creating perfect leather goods right in our midst.  Come and visit; our roller coasters might rattle some sense into you.

xO,

Anna

Not in the mood for love?  These gifts will bring out your cheeky side.

These animals will keep that library in line.

Mix your Mexican beverage metaphors and serve her up with a tray full of Negra Modelos.

My favorite martian.

Way creepier than playing poker with mirrored glasses.  A true objet d’art.

Why should Radiohead get all the rainbows?

A satisfyingly dramatic way to pass the days.

Now that the election is over, you need someone else to root for.

Lover, you should have come over.

My teenage cousin is obsessed with phone charms.  Here’s one (a miniature terrarium!) that doesn’t involve pink beads.

Perhaps my favorite item in the whole gift guide.  Perhaps the cheapest, too.

Do these derby critters remind anyone else of the Hummer soapbox derby kids?

Portable iPod karaoke sets bring joy to the world.

A daschund bag needs no commentary.

I warned you that I like small things writ large.

Yo to the yo.

This koi pitcher makes a lovely gurgling sound when it pours.

I’m thinking this tape isn’t fireproof.

Parrots are the new Rabbits.

Cleaning toilets probably isn’t what Pinocchio signed up for.

Unwrap it.  You know you want to.

What this sleek white instant camera lacks in vintage charm, it makes up for in features, like autofocus.  Plus, it hasn’t been discontinued, which is always a plus.  RIP, Polaroid.

And to think you were going to get them a Jawbone.

If this dashing clutch wallet were covered in real peacock plumes, it would never be $7.50.  It would also get soggy in the rain, and probably itch your fingers. So we’ll count our blessings; namely, that this dashing clutch wallet is only $7.50.