misosouper, a shopping blog

To a pregnant, libation-deprived woman, very few things are as sexy as carrying two bottles of wine on your hip.

Desperately seeking an upgrade from your sagging IKEA Expedit cubbies?  Stash toys, shoes, backpacks and records in this gorgeous, naturally vino-stained case crafted from upcycled oak wine barrels.  (And while you’re on their website, check out the amazing custom doors.  I want to rub myself up against them, then pour them into a glass.)

So this might just be the klassiest object I’ve ever come across.  (And by klassy, I mean damn I wish I could use this.  If only I weren’t already well-endowed and, um, pregnant.)

Basically, the Winerack is a sports bra filled with wine, attached to a straw.  Fill ‘er up and head to the bar; I like the idea of dumping a liter of vodka in there, so you can top off all your friends’ drinks.  As if this weren’t awesome enough, the Winerack will increase your chest a few sizes–that is, until you drain your stash and deflate your newfound boobage.

Topping the list of my all-time favorite shops is the inimitable UncommonGoods.  For me, shopping at UG is like pushing my cart through Target:  it’s impossible to make it out without dropping $200 and buying gifts for people whom I don’t even like.  Which is why I’m cartwheeling to bring you this week’s amazing giveaway–ZOMG shhh I’m trying to make it to the end of this post without ruining the surprise but holy hell I’m giving away a set of Illusion Wine Glasses–which is completely deserving of all hyperbole.

I have spent 14.3 hours of my life going through the UncommonGoods site, attempting to narrow my favorite items down to a compact list of 12.  In case you want to see the more ginormous list (or want to buy me something), check out the official misosouper registry here.

1.  Glass Cane–am I the only one who thinks Hugh Laurie should use this to whoop some minion ass?; 2.  Apple Bird Feeder–because birds think goldens are delicious too; 3.  Airplane Window–can you imagine the party photos you could take with this thing?; 4.  Half and A Calf Creamer–the literal meets the visual; 5.  3-D Anatomical Animal Puzzles–maybe it’s because I don’t eat horse (as opposed to cow and pig), but the equine seems to be the least disgusting, most fascinating puzzle of the three; 6.  Phillips Head Screw Earrings–say screw you from both earlobes; 7. Custom Record Bowl–turn Ziggy Stardust into a coffee table bowl that will, well, collect dust; 8. Set of 26 Natural History Glasses–brush up on your Akouchis and Jerboas while drinking your morning juice; 9.  Horizon Sand Art–a mesmerizing reminder of beachy days; 10.  Harmony Candle Snuffer–a wedding present for couple whose flame you hope never snuffs out; 11.  Glass Radiometer Spheres–a whirling, twirling antiquated wonder; 12.  Wine Cork Pets–commemorate a lovely bottle with a lovely friend.

But now for the showstopper:  visit the Uncommon Goods website and post a comment here on your favorite product, and you’ll be entered to win a set of four Illusion Wine Glasses.  But please read the fine print!  Multiple entries will not be accepted, and the winner pays all shipping costs.  Good luck!

the fine print:

Comments will be closed and entries will not be accepted after 11:59 pm EST on Sunday, April 19, 2009. The winner will be selected at random on Monday, April 20, 2009, and notified by e-mail. Results of the giveaway will be announced on Monday, April 20, 2009. Misosouper, a shopping blog reserves the right to disqualify entries that are incomplete, inaccurate, or considered spam.  Multiple entries will be deleted.  Winner agrees to pay all shipping costs via PayPal, which will be determined and agreed upon based on zip code and shipping method.  If winner does not respond within 24 hours, an alternate winner will be chosen and notified.

Today Barack told us that we should, and I paraphrase, liberate ourselves from small thinking.  I’m going to begin by drinking my wine tonight in an exceptionally large glass.  The rest of my giant ideas can wait until tomorrow.